Stranded at the Station
by OnlyHim
Summary: Steve comes back from a mission gravely injured and it seriously affects his and Danny's relationship. Inspired by Bon Jovi's 'Bitter Wine'.


_Doesn't really follow canon in the sense that Melissa never existed and Steve and Catherine never got serious about their relationship. I did borrow from a few episodes, in a 'coda/tag' sort of way. They are 3x06, 4x19, 5x04 through 5x07._

 _The story goes back and forth in time. Flashbacks are in italics, as well as recent present, normal lettering is actual present. There are dates before every new scene to help keep track of where they are in time. I hope it isn't too confusing, but let me know if it is and I'll try to fix it._

 _Title from the same song._

 _Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! =)_

* * *

 _ **May 20**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2016 – 02:41 am**_

Danny thought that the worst thing that could ever happen to them was for Steve to be deployed. He had no idea how much worse things could get _after_ he got back home. Naively, he had always thought that once Steve got back everything would go back to normal. It had probably been with a good dose of denial, but he had never considered the possibility of an injury. Not a permanent injury. A can't-be-leader-of-Five-0-anymore injury. Of course there was always the fear that Steve might not come back, but Danny had always been certain that if Steve did, _when_ he did, he would be okay. Danny had never expected Steve to come back only a couple of weeks later, after having hurt his back so badly that it had been a miracle his legs hadn't been paralysed. Now Steve was completely forbidden to do any kind of strenuous exercise – as in he couldn't do much more than go for a light walk – lest he put himself at risk of having that happen.

For a second there Danny thought they could get through this. He thought they'd find a way to make things work, to make Steve either get better or find a way to live a different life and still be happy.

Few times in his life he'd been so wrong. At first he didn't understand what was happening. Or maybe he was still in denial. Then, when he couldn't pretend anymore, he started trying even harder to make it better. It made it all a lot worse.

He still couldn't believe it had happened. Just a few hours changed everything for him. For them. He was alone again now. He'd lost Steve, the work partner, as soon as he came back. Now he'd lost Steve the lover. He wasn't even sure if he still had Steve the friend.

His first thought was that he'd come back to where he first started, to how things had been when he'd first got to Hawai'i. But it wasn't true. It was so, so much worse. Steve had changed everything. What they'd had... It didn't even come close to what he'd had with Rachel. _It's better to have loved and lost..._ He honestly wasn't so sure. He had a hole inside him now he never thought was possible. Maybe he would have been better off if they'd never met.

Thinking that just made him feel like utter shit. How could he possibly regret the wonderful years he'd spent with Steve, in any capacity?

 _ **Even good love has to die**_

 _ **November 12**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2012**_

 _"Hey." Steve was leaning against his truck, legs and arms crossed. It looked like he'd been parked in front of Danny's house for a while._

 _"Hey. What are you doing here?"_

 _"I was waiting for you to come back from the dance. I had to see you... Make sure you were..."_

 _"Really alive?"_

 _Steve let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, something like that."_

 _"I'm fine, Steve."_

 _"How was the dance? How's Gracie?"_

 _"It was wonderful. She was gorgeous, she had fun... We had fun. And, you know... While I was there... I could almost pretend nothing had happened. I could almost forget how I almost died today."_

 _Steve moved closer to Danny. "But you didn't."_

 _"Yeah... It all seems a little surreal, though..."_

 _"Yeah, I know."_

 _"Which reminds me. You're an idiot, you know that?" Danny's voice had gotten louder and angrier and he had a finger pointed at Steve, jabbing at his chest. "A complete, reckless, insane goofball. What the hell is the matter with you? You could have died, too." He kept jabbing his finger at Steve's chest, harder and harder, as if trying to make his words seem stronger._

 _"Danny, I... I could never have left you there. That was never an option."_

 _"What the hell? Of course it was an option. It was the only option. I know you like to act like you have no reason to live, but that doesn't mean you should-"_

 _"That's just the thing, though, Danny. I do have a reason to live..." Steve had his eyes downcast and he timidly looked up at Danny. "You're my reason to stay alive. What's the point of being here if you're not here with me?"_

 _"Steve..." Danny's voice came out all broken, straining to pass through a lump in his throat. He didn't know if he was more surprised at Steve's words or the fact that he'd said anything at all. If he didn't already know, that would be enough to tell him how much of a strain this day had been on both of them, to make Steve open up like that. Allow himself to show that kind of vulnerability. "I... I can't be the reason you die."_

 _Steve moved forward to pull Danny into his arms. Danny was already coming. If Steve could be vulnerable, then so could he._

 _"I could never let you go through something like that alone, Danno." Steve's breath was soft in Danny's ear. "I'll never leave you alone."_

 _ **April 13**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014**_

 _Steve had just driven Danny home back from the hospital. He helped him get settled and was getting ready to leave to work when Danny called him back._

 _"Do you need anything else?"_

 _"No, I just..." Danny was lying down on the couch. The injury in his stomach was starting to heal, but he still had to be careful and keep his movements to a minimum. Steve had agreed to come back later to help him some more, but now they had a case and he couldn't stay._

 _"What is it?" Steve's eyes were full of concern, and he moved closer to Danny._

 _"I just need you to know, what I said... What we said, after we left the site of the explosion... I didn't..."_

 _Steve looked confused for a while, but then understanding passed through his face, followed a second later by sadness and disappointment. Danny realized that Steve was probably thinking that he was trying to say that he didn't mean to say that he loved him, when he was trying to say the exact opposite._

 _"No, no, that's not it. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I meant it the way you took it. And maybe I shouldn't even be saying this, but..."_

 _"But what, Danny?" Steve had moved closer, towering over Danny._

 _"Could you sit down for a second? It's kinda disturbing talking to a skyscraper."_

 _Steve barely laughed, but he sat on the coffee table._

 _Danny took a deep breath and let it out in a shaky sigh, trying to gather his courage to say what he wanted to say. "I meant that for real. I don't love you just as my partner, just as a friend. I just... Love you."_

 _Steve looked completely dumbfounded and Danny thought he might have made a terrible mistake telling Steve that. After what seemed like forever, Steve leaned closer and brushed his fingers down Danny's cheek, a touch so gentle Danny wasn't even sure it was there._

 _"I love you, too, Danno. For real." Steve's smile was so bright and sweet, Danny thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful._

 _Steve leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on Danny's forehead. Danny tilted his head and reached his hand up to pull Steve closer, touching his lips lightly. Steve increased the pressure a little and their kiss lasted a few seconds. Not even close to enough, but sweet and full of promise._

 _"I'll come back as soon as I can, okay?" Steve was still so close Danny could feel his breath on his lips. "Then we'll talk some more."_

 _"Just talk?" Danny couldn't keep a hopeful tone out of his voice._

 _"No, Danny, not just talk." The beautiful smile was back on Steve's face and Danny thought that maybe being in that explosion hadn't been so bad after all._

 _ **October 17**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014**_

 _Steve held Danny's hand the entire flight back. He had this lost look on his face and even though he hadn't said a word since they'd left Colombia, Steve knew exactly what he was thinking. Part of him was still trying to accept Matty's death. Steve knew that would take a while. Another part was trying to come to terms with what he'd done to Reyes. They both knew he couldn't have done anything differently, and they both knew it would come back to haunt him._

 _They'd flown straight to Jersey to take Matt's body there. Danny hadn't wanted Steve to come, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually he convinced Danny that one of the options of connecting flights was there anyway, so he might as well accompany him. Steve still wanted to try to stay with Danny, but he was aware that would be a hard battle to win._

 _"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Steve was staring straight into Danny's eyes. Well, he was trying to, Danny had been avoiding looking at him since it'd happened._

 _"Yeah, babe, I'll be fine. Plus, you have work to do."_

 _"I'm sure the boss wouldn't mind if I took a few days off." Steve was holding Danny's hands tightly, trying to offer as much support as he could, which was that much harder when the other person didn't want to accept it._

 _"The team needs you, Steve. You should be there."_

 _"They don't need me any more than you do. And they're not my boyfriend."_

 _"We both agreed you'd never treat me any differently where the job was concerned."_

 _"I think we all know these are extenuating circumstances. I'm sure the team would understand."_

 _"Please, Steve. I need you to go. I need to be alone, with my family."_

 _Hurt passed through Steve for a second, for the thought that when things got rough he wasn't considered Danny's family anymore. But he knew better than that, he knew that's not what Danny meant. So he accepted that it was time to respect Danny's wishes and let him be._

 _"Okay. Call if you need anything, okay?" Steve tried to pull Danny's eyes to his again, but it didn't work._

 _"I will. Thanks, babe." Danny turned and walked towards the room where he was supposed to wait for Matty's body to be released. Steve stayed there for a long time, staring at the empty space where Danny had been, feeling completely heartbroken._

 _ **October 31**_ _ **st**_ _ **, 2014**_

 _"Don't do this to yourself, okay?"_

 _They were sitting at Danny's special place, Steve finally finding him after he'd come back from Jersey. It hurt him that they hadn't talked at all, but he understood that Danny had needed that and he'd just tried to be as accommodating as possible._

 _They were silent for a while, Steve wondering when he'd have his hotheaded, loud-mouthed boyfriend back and immediately feeling guilty for thinking that. He'd support Danny for as long as he needed, however he was behaving in the mean time. They may not have exchanged any kind of vows, but to Steve it had always been perfectly clear, right from the very start, that they would always be together, for better or for worse. If this was Danny's 'worse', he'd be right by his side, in any way Danny might need him._

 _"Hey, babe?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Thank you."_

 _"For what?"_

 _"For being there for me this whole time."_

 _"But I... You..."_

 _"You_ were _there. I heard every word you told me, I felt every touch, I listened to every single message – several times. I may not have been able to talk back, but I knew you were there. I could feel you with me, I could feel you loving me." Danny was looking at Steve now, those clear blue eyes staring right into him, finally. Danny reached out and took Steve's hands. Steve held back, as tightly as he could without hurting Danny. "I love you so, so much."_

 _Danny leaned in and kissed Steve, soft and gentle. Warm and loving. Steve's sigh had a small tinge of relief._

 _"I love you, too, Danno."_

 _"I know, babe. I know."_

 _ **November 7**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014**_

 _"You okay, babe?"_

 _They were having dinner, and Danny noticed the lost look on Steve's face. Well, Danny was having dinner, Steve had just basically pushed food around his plate for the past ten minutes._

 _"Hm?" Steve looked up at him, seeming to have just noticed that Danny was there._

 _"I know it's a stupid question considering, but... Are you okay? Do you want to talk or... I don't know... Do anything?"_

 _"I... No, I don't... I don't know, Danny."_

 _"Can I ask you something? When we got there, why did you ask about your father?"_

 _Steve looked down at his food again, looking desolate, crestfallen. A long time went by and Danny thought Steve just wasn't going to answer. To be honest, he didn't really expect him to._

 _"Um, the, the drugs he gave me... I saw things... He had never died. You had come in time and you had saved him."_

 _Danny let those words sink in. He knew Steve wasn't going to say anything after that, he didn't have to._

 _"Let's go to bed, babe. Okay?"_

 _Steve glanced up at Danny and nodded minutely._

 _Danny woke up to Steve tossing and turning, calling for his father. Danny called his name softly, he knew better than to try and touch him. When Steve finally woke up, he had a desperate look on his face. He looked around and saw Danny, his eyes going empty and sorrowful at once. Danny pulled him closer and held him tightly, silently cursing that Steve had had to kill Wo Fat with a single shot in the head. The guy should've suffered so much more for everything he'd put Steve through._

 _"I'm here, babe. It's going to be okay."_

 _Steve didn't answer. He just moved in closer to Danny, shaking. Danny held him for the rest of the night, even after Steve had fallen asleep again. He would keep watch over him, for as long as it took for Steve to get over what had happened. Danny had decided a long time ago and just reiterated his promise to himself that he would love Steve with everything he had, he'd do anything to make up for all the hurt Steve had ever been through._

 _ **May 19** **th** **, 2016 5:17 pm**_

 _"I can't do this anymore, Danny."_

 _"Steve..."_

 _"I just can't. I can't stand it. I can't stand the way you treat me, I can't stand the way you look at me."_

 _"But, Steve, I-"_

 _"Don't, Danny. I know what you're going to say. That you're just trying to help, that you want what's best for me. Well, guess what? I don't want your help. And you know what would be best for me? Not have you pitying me all the time."_

 _"I don't-"_

 _"Oh, you say you don't, but I can see it in your eyes. How sorry you feel, because I'm not who I am anymore. Because I'm broken, and nothing will ever be the same."_

 _"That's not-"_

 _"Stop it, Danny! Just stop it. You can say whatever the fuck you want, I know that's true. You look at me you see just a shadow of who I was. You see a cripple."_

 _"Steve! I've never thought that!"_

 _"Just save it, okay? I know you have to be thinking it, because it's the truth. That's what I am now. And you're the one that's always brutally honest, that never holds back, and the fact that you're doing it now just makes it all that much worse. You're not even yourself around me anymore. So what's the point?"_

 _"What are you saying?"_

 _"That whatever the fuck we had doesn't exist anymore. There's no point pretending and it's about time we just end it."_

 _"What?" Danny's voice was all but gone now, and he barely managed to say anything else, it all coming out strangled and barely above a whisper. "You know none of this is true. You know how much I love you."_

 _"Well, I don't think that's enough anymore. You can't fix me, Danny. This thing you think you feel, this ridiculous thing you call love, it can't make me any less damaged, any less useless. It can't help me. Maybe it never has."_

 _Danny opened his mouth but nothing came out. He was beyond shocked. He didn't even know what he could try to say, Steve wouldn't even let him talk, he wouldn't even listen to him._

Maybe he should have seen it coming. Steve had been getting more and more distant. He was getting withdrawn again, like he hadn't been in years. They rarely talked, really talked, and it took him a while to notice, but even their bantering had stopped. Maybe he should have been prepared, but nothing could possibly prepare him for this. Not having Steve... That was an idea he couldn't even entertain, had stopped allowing in his head right after they met. Ever since the beginning, their relationship had always just improved. Every day they got a little closer, every day they became a little more essential to each other's lives. Every day the idea of being apart became more and more unacceptable.

 _ **I thought I saw the future, but the fortune teller lied**_

 _ **November 25**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014**_

 _"I want you to move in with me."_

 _"What?"_

 _They had just finished having dinner and were doing the dishes together, Danny washing and Steve drying. Steve was leaning on the counter, supported by his hip, turned towards Danny, watching him work. He had an enamoured and wistful look on his face._

 _"I want you to move in. Look, I know it's a big change, but... I love it when you're here, and I hate every single second when you're not. This house is so empty and sombre without you. My life is empty and sombre without you. I don't want you to leave, ever. Not here, not me."_

 _Danny had stopped what he was doing and was drying his hand. He turned to Steve and reached to wrap his arms around his waist._

 _"I'm not leaving you, Steve. I can't imagine not being with you."_

 _Steve held Danny back, smiling. "Then we're doing it?"_

 _"Are you sure? I'm gonna drive you crazy if I'm with you all the time. And you have all your rules and stuff."_

 _"Rules. I gave those up a long time ago. You made me break every single one of them, and let me tell you, it was totally worth it. And, if you were going to drive me crazy, you'd have done it by now. You don't drive me crazy, you make me sane."_

 _Danny was smiling now, his heart full of an unbelievable amount of love for that man. They kissed, soft, long, slow._

 _"I want you with me forever, Danno. I want you here, I want Gracie here when you have her. I want us to be a family. I want to watch her grow up, I want to watch you grow old."_

 _"Are you asking me to move in or to marry you?" Danny's voice came out amused, even if inside he felt a mixture of fear and excitement._

 _"One thing at a time. But we'll probably get there one day. Probably soon." Steve had the most adorable hopeful look on his face._

 _"You're insane." Danny shook his head lightly and hugged Steve._

 _"Is that a yes?" Steve's voice in Danny's ear was so soft, it warmed his whole body._

 _"Yes, you goofball, it's a yes. And when you decide to ask that other question, that'll be a yes, too."_

 _Steve part laughed, part sighed. It was the most delicious sound Danny had ever heard. They started kissing and only remembered the rest of the dishes in the morning._

 _ **May 19**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2016 5:43 pm**_

 _"Steve, please..."_

 _"Just let it go, Danny. It's over. It has been over for a while, there's nothing left here. We shouldn't be together. All this clearly showed that we don't belong together."_

 _Danny tried to fight back the sting of tears in his eyes. This couldn't be happening._

 _"Steve, please, just try and listen to me-"_

 _"There's nothing to talk about, Danny. In fact, you should be relieved. You won't have to deal with me anymore. You'll be free. I'm freeing you from being with this burden. And no hard feelings. It's all okay. You can go, find someone else and be happy." There was so much bitterness in Steve's voice, but the worst part was that there was a small tinge of sincerity there, too. "You deserve to be happy, and I obviously can't give that to you."_

 _"I don't think of you as a burden, never have."_

 _"Danny, please. I don't want you here anymore. I don't want you with me anymore"_

 _"Steve..."_

 _"Just leave, okay? This is my house and I want you to leave."_

 _Danny swallowed hard. His house. Steve had called it_ his _house. It hadn't been just 'his' house in over a year. But maybe it would be better. Maybe giving him some time to cool off would help, and then they'd be able to talk._

 _"Okay. If that's what you want. I'll sleep at Chin's tonight."_

 _"Fine. You let me know when you want to come back to get all your stuff. And leave the key."_

 _Danny's mind was blank. He had heard wrong, that had to be it. Steve would never say something like that, would never literally throw him out of_ their _house._

 _"Go. Now. I don't want to see you anymore."_

 _Danny was sure that being shot in the gut would hurt a whole lot less than hearing Steve say those words. He turned and left, because there was nothing else he could do. There was a huge lump on his throat and he thought he might throw up at any moment. This couldn't be happening, just couldn't._

Danny had stayed at his favorite place on the island for a few hours, until he couldn't stand the ache on his back and ass anymore. He had already called Chin, who had said that he could come by any time. He headed there in a haze, the same state he'd been since he'd left his... Steve's house.

Now he was lying on Chin's couch, nursing a glass of whisky that he'd barely touched and listening to Bon Jovi as if there was no tomorrow. Chin left right after he got there, saying he'd previously arranged to meet Kono, but saying that he could stay if Danny wanted him to. Danny said it was okay for him to go, and he was pretty sure that Chin had no plans whatsoever, he just wanted to give Danny a chance to be alone, bless him. At least he still had his ohana. Well, part of it.

He hadn't tried calling Steve, he knew that wouldn't be a good idea. He thought it would be best to give him a few days. He still had hope. He knew things had been terribly hard for Steve, but he couldn't possibly believe everything Steve had said. Steve had to know better, he had to know Danny better. Danny had to have hope. They were just too good together to let it all go without a fight.

 _ **We were one of a kind**_

 _ **June 06**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2015**_

 _"You know I didn't ask you to be my partner because I needed your help with my father's case."_

 _Danny had his head on Steve's lap, while Steve slowly carded his fingers through Danny's hair. They were watching a movie – well, the TV was on, but neither of them was paying that much attention to whatever was happening – after another long day of chasing bad guys._

 _"You didn't?"_

 _"No. I mean, yes, I needed your help, but that wasn't the only reason. When I left my dad's house to start investigating, I just couldn't stop thinking about you. I went to the station to see what you'd found out and they showed me your files. I know it's silly, but... I don't know, there's just this thing about you, you know? Files are supposed to be all this technical stuff, but yours... you can't keep your personality out of them. I was intrigued."_

 _"Well, I am an intriguing guy." Danny had a mock cockiness in his voice, which made Steve smile._

 _"Shut up." Steve lightly poked Danny on the ribs. "Anyway, I thought I could ask you for your help, and if things didn't work out I could always withdraw my invitation. I thought that first case would be like testing the waters. And then you just kept on amazing me all day. You had all this energy, electricity about you, and you just made everything more interesting. God, when you punched me. I couldn't remember the last time someone had so carelessly tried to put me in my place. I love that about you. You never give a shit what people are going to think, you just say and do what you have to."_

 _"I thought you hated that about me."_

 _"Maybe some people do, but I never did. That's probably one of the main reasons I fell in love with you, to be honest."_

 _Danny had turned his head so he could look at Steve, his full attention on him now. "It's certainly made us fight a lot."_

 _"Yeah, but... They were never really fights, were they? I just have a lot of fun riling you up and listening to you rant."_

 _"Oh, my friend, you should not have told me that. It will just make me rant even more now."_

 _"First of all, I don't think that's possible. Second of all, no, it won't. You would never do something that you know pleases me like that. Lucky for me, I know you won't be able to stop it, either."_

 _"You know it actually took me a while to realize that you rarely meant what you said to me. I honestly believed we were fighting."_

 _"Oh, so you're admitting I know you better than you know me?"_

 _"No, no, I'm not. It took me a while to get there completely, but I have you all figured out now, babe."_

 _"You do?"_

 _"Definitely." Danny's smile was probably meant to come out smug, but it was all loving instead._

 _They stayed quiet for a while. Steve was still playing with Danny's hair – he still couldn't believe that he had earned the privilege to do that. Well, he guessed that Danny realized that if Steve had seen him with bed head every morning for months and still found him gorgeous, there was really no point stopping him. His other hand was laying on Danny's chest and their fingers were entangled._

 _"It is fun putting up a show for that therapist," Steve finally said._

 _"Oh, my god, I can't believe she still hasn't seen through it. I really don't think she's that good at her job."_

 _"Well, to be fair no one really does, aside from the team."_

 _"They should, they work with us! If they didn't know how great we are together... Although I don't think Lou has quite caught up yet."_

 _"Nah, I think he just plays along. He doesn't miss a chance to rile people up either."_

 _"But you know, I'd figure the Governor would know. How does he think we'd get that great of a closure rate if we didn't work well together?"_

 _"I don't know, maybe that therapist's report made him question it... he probably has to give her some credit."_

 _"He shouldn't. How can a psychologist not be able to read people?"_

 _"Well, you have to admit that our relationship is kind of unusual. If you think about it, we really shouldn't work. But we end up working better together than most people. So maybe there just aren't a lot of people like us in the world."_

 _"Oh, babe, of that I'm sure."_

It was now the middle of the night, and Danny had been in the same position for hours. Chin hadn't come back, and Danny assumed he'd crashed at Kono's. He definitely couldn't have asked for better friends, that knew him so well.

Danny's voice had already started going hoarse, but he couldn't stop himself singing the same parts over and over. It had a weird power of making him feel better and worse at the same time. This song in particular had a few lines that felt so close to home that it at least made him feel less alone in a very masochistic kind of way.

" _I never thought I'd lose you, no I'd rather go blind..."_ Danny sang, his voice slurring now, not because of alcohol, just heartbreak and exhaustion.

"I could say you're being a little over-dramatic, except I feel the exact same way." Steve's voice sounded strained behind him, as if he was trying to push them through a too tight throat.

"Steve." Danny got up at once and turned towards Steve, surprised to see him there. He immediately felt a pang in his heart when he saw the watery smile on his face.

"Hey." Steve's voice was so quiet Danny could barely hear it over the music. He looked around for the remote and turned it off.

"What are you... How long have you been here?"

"I think I got here about two or three repeats ago." Steve's attempt at a smile was so weak and his eyes had such a deep sadness in them... It broke Danny's heart in a million little pieces. All he wanted to do was get up and hug Steve, but he couldn't. Not anymore. "I, um... I tried calling you, but it was going straight to voice mail."

Danny glanced at his phone which lay forgotten on the coffee table and saw that it was off. "Oh, the battery probably died. That wasn't really my main concern at the moment. And it's not like I have my charger with me."

Steve looked guilty and Danny immediately regretted saying that. Steve cleared his throat, opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, closed it again, took a deep breath and swallowed. "Do you... You mind if we talk?"

"No, of course not." Danny moved a little on the couch to give Steve space to sit. Steve hesitated, but eventually sat down and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. He sighed, eyes on the rug in front of him, but unfocused. It took him a long time to start talking.

"I'm sorry, Danny. About everything. About tonight, about everything that's happened since I got back."

"Steve, you don't have to apologize."

"Yes, I do. You didn't deserve to go through any of that. I've hurt you. A lot."

"Babe, it's okay. You were hurting, too. You didn't do anything on purpose, we were just working on trying to get you better. We've always done that. We go through bad stuff together. Your pain is my pain, it's always been like that."

"But tonight, Danny. I said so many terrible things. I was so awful to you."

"Okay, maybe you can apologize for that." Danny smiled a little, so small, but still there. He wanted to reach over and take Steve's hand, but he didn't know why Steve was there, didn't know what this conversation meant. He didn't know if they were back together, if he still had the right to touch him.

"I, uh..." Steve cleared his throat again. "I talked to Catherine."

"What? When?"

"Not long after you left. After I, uh... made you leave." Steve trailed off, looking guilty again. "I didn't go after her or anything," Steve added hastily, as if he owed Danny an explanation. "She just happened to call, she wanted to see if we wanted to get a few drinks."

"She's here?" Danny asked in total surprise. As far as he knew she was still in Afghanistan. "And by the way, I wouldn't mind if you had gone after her. I know she was always your friend above all else."

Steve let out a barely audible laugh. "She's right, you are amazing. Not that I didn't already know that."

"When did she come back?"

"A while ago. We haven't talked much. She just told me she was back, but we never got around to meeting, and I... I never got around to telling you about it."

"Okay. And what exactly did you talk about?"

"Okay, so, she could tell something was wrong as soon as I said hello, so she came over. I didn't really want to talk, but it was all over my face, and she kinda wrangled it out of me. The fact that you weren't there kinda gave it away, too."

"I told her a little about what had happened. She knew things hadn't been easy since I got back, that's why she wanted to ask us out for drinks in the first place, she wanted to get us out of the house and have some fun for a change. Then I just told her a few of the things that I said to you and she said I was an idiot. She was very emphatic about it, too." Steve chanced a glance in Danny's direction.

"I tried to argue, but she just started lecturing me. You would've been proud, she made a very good impersonation of you, with the whole putting me in my place and calling me out on my shit rant." The corners of Steve's lips tugged up in a barely noticeable smile. "Don't worry, though, you're still the best one at that. No one could ever beat you."

Danny smiled back in spite of himself.

"Anyway, she said that even though she didn't know you all that well, she knows enough to be certain that you'd never be thinking all those things; that it was me who was doing that and it was just easier to put it all on you. Oh, right, that's when she said I was being a coward, too." Steve paused, took a breath, as if he wasn't used to talking that much. Which he wasn't. Danny appreciated the effort.

"I thought she'd given me an out, and I said I was doing it for you. Because you deserve better than me. That's when she slapped me on the head. And hard. Then punched my arm. Even harder. She said you love me, and I shouldn't be making this decision on my own, trying to play the martyr, that you should have a say in it."

"Yes, Steve, I should. And the only reason I'm not slapping you on the head myself is because I trust Catherine to have done it well enough for both of us."

"She did! It still hurts."

"Wuss."

Steve's smile got a little bit bigger, and his eyes were full of fondness and love again, like they hadn't been in a long time. Danny felt he could be hopeful again and the knot that had been strangling his stomach for the past ten hours finally started to loosen a little.

"And she kept talking, saying that there was a reason why she and I had never gotten really serious about things, because there was never truly anything there aside from us caring about each other, but us... you and I, we have something most people only dream of. She said that what we have is the real thing, as real as it could possibly get. And that if I didn't get my act together and make things right with you she'd kick my ass all the way back to Afghanistan."

"By then it had all hit me, what a mess I'd made, had been making and I told her that I didn't know if you'd ever forgive me. She punched me on the arm and called me an idiot again and asked if I was sure the injury was only in my back or if maybe I had hit my head, too."

"Perfectly valid question. And you are an idiot."

"I know, Danny, I know. And I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry about everything I've put you through."

"Steve, you didn't-"

"No, Danny, I did. Yes, things have been hard, but I've been an ass to you, to everyone. You've been amazing to me, you've done everything you possibly could and then some, and I still took so much out on you. You do deserve better-"

"Steve, no-"

"You do. But not better than me, just better than what I've been doing."

Danny's shoulders relaxed from pure relief. Relief that it seemed that Steve was finally understanding things, and that he was talking, and that maybe they could work it all out.

"I promise I'll do my best, Danny, I'll do everything I can to make things better for you. For us. But I can't guarantee it won't take a while. I still don't know how to deal with this thing. I still feel like shit, like I'm just a shell of who I was. I don't know who I am without the Navy or Five-0, I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I feel so empty, and sometimes it's so hard to believe that you could still love me in spite of all that."

"Steve, I didn't fall in love with insane, neanderthal, animal you. Or the hero who jumps up cars and helicopters and always saves the day. I fell in love with _you._ The you that's still there and always will be. The one that's strong and kind and smart and caring. That one that's always by my side, supporting me, 100%, no matter what. The one that gets me like no one else ever has. Your injury doesn't change any of that. Not being with Five-0 doesn't change any of that. You're still the best person I've ever known and nothing could ever change that."

"God, Danny, I'm so fucking lucky to have you."

Steve reached up his hand and touched Danny's face. Danny immediately leaned into the touch, and his hand came up to hold Steve's on him.

"You're not the only one who's lucky, babe."

"It's gonna be hard, Danny."

"We'll get through this, okay? Whatever it takes, we'll get through this. No matter what happens, I'm never giving up on you."

Steve held Danny's head between his hands and leaned forward to press his forehead against Danny's.

"So does that mean you'll take me back?"

"Steve, I was never gonna let you go in the first place."

 _ **January 15**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2017**_

It did take a while, but things got better. Steve would never fully recover, but after an unimaginable amount of hours of physical therapy, he'd gotten to a point where his condition was manageable. As long as he didn't put too much strain on his back, he could go about normal everyday activities without any trouble. He'd even been cleared to go out on his morning swims. He had not been cleared to jump out two-story buildings, however. Even running was off limits, too much impact, but he'd learned to make do with what he had.

Steve finally made peace with the fact that he was done with his previous life. He didn't resent Danny anymore for being the leader of Five-0 now – oh, that had been something that had been hard to admit to, too, but he'd done it. He was actually pretty damn proud of Danny for doing such a good job. Not that Steve had ever doubted him. He told Danny so, very, very often.

Weirdly enough, after Steve made peace with his previous life being over, he found out that he didn't mind doing things differently. He was now working for the Police Academy, teaching rookies all kinds of different techniques and how to use them while still following adequate procedure. Rarely a day went by that Danny didn't make fun of him for that. Steve didn't care, he loved what he was doing. And he knew that behind the jokes, Danny was ridiculously proud of him, too.

And they were okay. Danny and Steve were Danny and Steve again and now Steve knew that truly nothing could ever change that. He thanked his lucky stars that such terrible circumstances – Danny having to move to Hawai'i, a place that he used to hate, Steve's father dying – had had the fantastic consequence of putting the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful person he could ever imagine in his life.

"Babe, are you done?"

Danny's words pulled Steve out of his reverie. He was pointing towards Steve's empty plate.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry."

"You seemed pretty deep in thought there. Care to share?"

"It's nothing. Just thinking about these past months."

"What about'em?"

"That I'm happy we made it."

"Always knew we would."

Danny smiled. He leaned down to brush a kiss on Steve's cheek, grabbed his plate and moved to the sink. Steve got up, too, ready to help Danny clean up. He moved close to Danny, his fingers brushing lightly on his arm.

"Hey, Danno?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for believing in me. For believing in us."

Danny turned to Steve, his smile lighting up his whole face, so much love in his eyes that Steve thought he could burst just looking at it.

"I never had any reason to doubt it." Danny gently stroked Steve's face and leaned in to kiss him.

Steve put his arms around Danny, pulling him close and prolonging the kiss. He'd never get tired of kissing him, holding him.

"And thank you for loving me."

"Would be impossible not to."


End file.
